Future

Hi there.

It's your usual Sunday night, dreading for work tomorrow. Well you're not really dreading, you don't hate work but it's not like you love it either. You still haven't passed that final written exam of yours, awaiting your third trial's result coming out in Dec. You've been saying to people you'll fail again but deep down you are just hoping, hoping you're going to make it this time. You desperately want to prove to other people and more importantly yourself that you, you can do it. That has kinda been your motto, "Yes you can do this".

You have just put your clean clothes nicely in your closet after a week (!) they've been all over your bedroom. You haven't started on that Marie Kondo book yet, you promised to read it just before you'd be moving into your new apartment. O M G. How's that place looking now? Is it as great as you imagine it would be? Awww do you cook your own food now? How minimalist is your home? How often do your family and friends come over to your place? Please tell me you are using the swimming pool or the gym at least twice a week! And and and do you still use the MRT to go to work? Hope you still love using the public transport. Most importantly please tell me your home is not messy! Marie Kondo better had helped you.

You're listening to the "Most beautiful songs" on Spotify playlist, damn the songs are good but you don't really know the artists. Do you still have that RM54 speaker you bought on Lazada? You don't know why the sudden urge to feel like writing/blogging. Ahh you really missed the old days of blogging. Social media these days have been kinda suck. Instagram? Facebook? Twitter? Is Twitter still your favorite? Are you still following that US news/politics stuff on Twitter?

You gotta stop writing now, gotta sleep to wake up early tomorrow.

You are going to be alright, I promise.

Pray for me, will you?

Today

Hi there.

Post to record. 26 years old, working in the industry, studying to qualify, alone.

Pray for me, will you?

Trust

Hi there.

I am 23 years old now. (Yeayy! Awesomee! NOT). It is hard to believe how fast time flies. I could still remember, that moment when my teacher from SK Taman Kosas gave me a call telling me I passed my PTS. I went outside, rode my bike around the whole neighbourhood of Gong Badak, smiling, feeling so proud of myself, feeling like I've achieved so much - and that happened when I was just 9 years old. NINE.YEARS.OLD. And here I am today, far away from Gong Badak - Canterbury to be exact - wondering what is more to come. MY FUTURE.

Right now, I can tell myself,

"Rje, you have passed so much tests and exams in your life, so be proud."

Should I? Should I be proud of myself having to pass all those tests? Those worldly tests? I am very sure, as of now I would fail miserably for my akhirah tests. Ya Allah...

Have I done enough? Have I even done one thing worth His reward? I doubt. But hey, look at the bright side, you're still breathing Rje. It means a lot. It means you still have time to change your ending. You still have time to correct what's wrong. And keep in mind, the time is ticking. The time may run out. You don't have forever. You just don't. Stop wasting more time. Start doing it.

Pray for me, will you?

Believe

Hi there.

I have always believed in "It's never too late to change". I have always thought the day will come when I will start to change.

"Don't worry about it Rje. You will change. Everyone does, at one point. It's just not your time yet." 

I keep telling myself that. Day after day. Month after month. It is now 2013. And what have I become? Am I a daughter that makes her parents proud? Am I good enough to be someone's wife? Am I a good friend?

The thing is, sometimes I get confused. What do I really mean when I say I want to change? I look back and think and wonder and search and ponder......


I just want to be a great human being. A good person. An awesome friend. A great daughter. Above all, a great Muslimah...

Pray for me, will you?